Gordonator Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Hey guys, I am doing a trading card for our MEPD SWAT program. If you are a native speaker of english, I need your help to proof read the text below to check for any grammer mistakes. "The SWAT program represents the highest costuming standards for a Sandtrooper in the Mos Eisley Police Department. Troopers who achieved this award underwent extensive research to replicate the details as seen on the Sandtroopers from the movies. The end result is each SWAT Trooper looks as though they walked out/off of the big screen." I also need your opinion for the last sentence, "walked out of the big screen" or "walked off of the big screen" Which one sounds better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beren Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Gordon, might I suggest you change this sentence to "Troopers who achieve this award undergo extensive research..." (Change achieved to achieve, and underwent to undergo) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordonator Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 Will do. Need feedback on "walked out of the big screen" or "walked off of the big screen" as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beren Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Walked "off" the big screen sounds better imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ground pounder Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Walked "off" the big screen sounds better imo. Agree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthgrace Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 walked off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordonator Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks for the out/off feedback guys. So you guys also agree on the "Change achieved to achieve, and underwent to undergo"? Gordon, might I suggest you change this sentence to "Troopers who achieve this award undergo extensive research..." (Change achieved to achieve, and underwent to undergo) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Versku Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Yes - I would go with achieve/undergo as per Pete's advice. Also voting for "they have walked off". Can I also recommend you say, "to replicate the Sandtroopers in every detail as they appeared in A New Hope." ? I note particularly that TDs were only shown in ANH so not more than one film.. unless you count the ANH SE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyBoy Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Troopers who achieve this award undergo extensive research to replicate the details as seen on the Sandtroopers from Star Wars A New Hope. The end result is each SWAT Trooper looks as though theyve walked off of the big screen." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordonator Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 Thanks Joe and Rick. Noted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beren Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Troopers who achieve this award undergo extensive research to replicate the details as seen on the Sandtroopers from Star Wars A New Hope. The end result is each SWAT Trooper looks as though theyve walked off of the big screen." Sounds good. Just be sure to correct "theyve" to either "they've" or "they have". I personally think "they have" sounds a bit better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SCRIBBLER Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caomhanach Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Sounds good. Just be sure to correct "theyve" to either "they've" or "they have". I personally think "they have" sounds a bit better. Remember it is Star Wars: A New Hope, make sure you add the colon. Also, I don't think you should have of after the off... Should be just "walked off the big screen"... Any yes/no on that from anyone else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyBoy Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 Ya pull the of lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordonator Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Ok here's the final revised text on the card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtyBoy Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Looks great!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAND DEVIL Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 Awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longboard8 Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 Cool cards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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